Frustration

I feel so many terrible emotions right now. I am not even going to lie! I am so frustrated. Nothing seems to go right no matter what I do. I'm trying so hard to keep my head afloat but I don't feel like there is something on my head holding me down. So here are some of the things that have happened to me recently so that maybe there is an understanding of that.

Well most recently, as in this morning, I got pulled over. $190 ticket. A-W-E-S-O-M-E. Well it wouldn't be that bad if I hadn't gotten a ticket last week for $242. So that makes it doubly awesome. The crappy thing about the ticket that I got today was I was literally trying to drive the speed limit for fear of getting a ticket. The main road was a 45mph zone. I then turned on 141st (which is where my job is) and it randomly changes to a 20. I was driving 35 because I thought that's what it was. It's not a residential zone, there's no school and even if there was, it was at 5:25am so that counts that out! Why it's a 20 I have no idea. The location of the sign is even more "awesome". It's literally right as you turn on the road so you don't really see it because you're trying to turn on the road! I am going to try to take a video showing how useless the location of the sign is. Hopefully I can get it reduced or revoked. I'll take either! I will take full responsibility for the first ticket, though. I know I was speeding but it was also at 5:10am and I didn't think it was too big of a deal since there were only a couple of cars on the road. It's a lot of money but I completely accept that I was in the wrong.

So on top of that, I finally got a job about a month ago. I had been looking since August at least. I accept the job because it's a job. I make $8.75/hr and I am working my butt off trying to prove that I am an asset because the job is technically a seasonal job. I hang clothes or price stuff for 8hrs. That's it. I am not sure it could be any more brainless. I feel like a factory slave worker! The only reason I took it is because it's a Nike and they do all of their hiring internally, especially when the economy is poor. So I have to wait for a while before I can even apply for another job in the company but I am so stressed out because after figuring out all the finances, I realize that at 25 and with a college degree I still need help from my parents. Talk about an ego killer! It feels so degrading to have to call my Dad and ask for help when I feel like I'm a grown-up and should be able to take care of myself. I want to be self-sufficient and responsible for my own life and I can't because I still need mommy and daddy's help. Bull. It's completely depressing.

Well before all this happened, around January, I thought I had a job in the bag. I applied for Metabolic Research Center and would have used my degree and helped people achieve their weight loss goals. (Something less trite than hanging clothes that's for sure!) I went in for the first interview and killed it! She (Megan) told me the process was to meet with two managers, the supervisor and then the team to determine if I am a good fit. So I meet with manager number 2 Suzy. She's a super nice lady and we really hit it off in the interview. She then asks me where I want to work. I was under the impression that I was applying for the Beaverton office to work with Megan (because all she did was tell me how desperate they are for people) so that's what I told Suzy. I also told Suzy that I didn't care though and was willing to work at either facility. Well no one told me that Megan sent me to Suzy because she wanted me to work there. Well when I finally talked to the supervisor she informed me that there were no positions available. So after a month of going back and forth, interviewing and writing thank you letters, and being told how awesome I am and would fit in well I get nothing. No job, no explanation, no paycheck obviously. Nothing. I finally buckled down and called a friend that happened to work for the company to find out what happened and she tells me the whole story. I am pissed. Wine does not mix well with disappointment in case you were wondering!

So amidst all this stuff, I feel like I can't catch a break. I feel like I am trying so hard to do the right things, work my butt off and all the while someone has their thumb on my head pushing my deeper under water. Everyone keeps saying, "don't worry, it will get better". That's great. I'm sure it will. But right now, I don't see it. I thought I could at one point and I was mistaken. What I want now is people to be honest. If you know a way to help, please help. Don't just give me the crap about it getting better. I need more than that. I need ideas of ways to make more money (legally, by the way!) I need prayers. I need something that I can't quite put my finger on. But more than anything, I want to just not feel completely hopeless.